You are a walking promise…
Think of the last time you walked into a room and felt the atmosphere shift. Perhaps you were entering your team meeting as the project lead, stepping into your child's classroom as a parent or joining friends as someone who always lifts the group’s spirit. Without speaking a word, your mere presence created expectations - you were the embodiment of a collection of promises about who you are, your way of being and the roles you take on.
But what exactly makes our presence a promise? It's in the ways in which we carry ourselves - shoulders back with confidence or slightly hunched with uncertainty. It's in our facial expressions - the reassuring smile that promises warmth or the furrowed brow that signals concern. It's in the reputation that precedes us - as the reliable colleague who always delivers or the creative thinker who brings fresh perspectives.
These silent signals broadcast promises to everyone around us:
The crisp suit and prepared notepad of a consultant promise competence and thoroughness.
The attentive gaze and open posture of a friend promise genuine listening and support.
The calm demeanor of a leader during a crisis promises stability and direction.
The enthusiastic energy of a team member promises engagement and collaboration.
Even the smallest elements of our presence - punctuality, dress, tone of voice, physical proximity - all make promises about who we are and how we'll behave. And remarkably, all of this happens before a single verbal commitment leaves our lips.
The Invisible Contract We All “Sign”
Promises traditionally live in the realm of spoken agreements or written contracts - tangible commitments binding us to future actions. Yet beneath this visible landscape flows a deeper current: the moment someone enters our world, we instinctively anticipate who they will be for us. These expectations weave the invisible fabric of unspoken promises that we all embody simply by existing.
The kicker? For the most part, these silent promises transcend our control. The commitments we make etched into our ways of being - through the roles we inhabit, the experiences we accumulate, the positions we hold - more often than not, reflect others' perceptions of who we are and what we are out to do in the world, whether we are conscious and accepting of them or not.
Consider this example: An army general walks into a room to meet with three very different humans - a military cadet, a pacifist and a parent who lost a child in war. Each person will have completely different expectations of the general:
The cadet may expect leadership, discipline and guidance.
The pacifist might expect justification for military action, and perhaps, defensiveness.
The grieving parent perhaps expects acknowledgment, empathy and accountability.
None of these expectations were requested or agreed to by the general. Yet from each person's perspective, these expectations are the general's implicit promise to them. When the general fails to meet these unspoken expectations, disappointment, or even anger, follows.
Now we could say, "How is that fair? We never agreed to uphold anyone else’s expectations of us, especially when they are not explicit!"
Yet the impact of those unfulfilled expectations remains real.
If we are out to become humans upon whom others can completely rely, we must be willing to address the promise of who we are and how others expect us to show up as a result.
The Tapestry of Promises We Weave
Our promises unfold within multiple aspects of our lives:
Our roles carry obligations. A leader, a doctor, a teacher, a parent - each identity bears a constellation of expectations about how we'll move through the world and what gifts we'll bring to it.
Our contexts transform what others anticipate from us. The promises expected when we sit beside our child's teacher differ vastly from those assumed when we stand before an audience awaiting our wisdom or perspective.
Our history paints tomorrow's portrait. The footprints of our past actions become the lens through which others forecast our future - the unwritten promise of who we are becoming.
Crafting Your Living Promise
This revelation doesn't leave us powerless in the face of others' expectations.
The path to becoming reliable and trustworthy humans that are the exemplification of ALL our promises begins with genuine curiosity - a willingness to explore the unspoken contracts we've unknowingly signed.
The transformative realization is this: you are a living promise - a breathing covenant whose meaning emerges from the delicate dance between you and those whose lives you touch. In this recognition lies exceptional power to:
Discover expectations through genuine inquisitiveness.
Create shared understanding by clarifying our promises and aligning the expectations people may have of us with our authentic intentions.
Be present with the humans we interact with by taking full responsibility for our impact on them and the relationships we build with them.
The Artistry of Promise
What are some ways we can start to practice becoming the most trustworthy “walking promises” we can be?
Here are a couple of suggestions:
Get clear about what is expected:
Perspective-taking: "If I stood in their shoes, with their mentality, goals and ambitions, what might I expect from someone in my position, at this moment?"
Directly addressing the expectations: If you don’t know what someone expects of you, ask! “If you had to list all your possible expectations of me - from what I am here to deliver for you, who I am here to be, to what our relationship might look like during our partnership - what might some of those expectations be?” Then listen like your relationship depends on it, because it does!
Acknowledge what others might expect AND offer what you can truly provide:
"As a partner/leader/coach/parent, you may be expecting me to do X, but what I can actually promise you today is Y."
By acknowledging the existing expectations that people might associate with you and committing to new verbal, concrete promises together that you can actually deliver on, you can mitigate the potential for disappointment when and if people expect something of you that is not aligned with how you intend to show up for them. If you don’t ask, you can’t know. And if you do ask, you can then make clear what expectations others have of you that you simply will not meet.
Being trustworthy is more about managing other people’s expectations than it is about doing what you said you’ll do. Read that again!
Be clear that expectations change over time!
The dynamics of our relationships naturally shift over time. Therefore, the expectations that others have of us also change over time. The expert move is to consistently “check in” on changed or new expectations, revisiting old expectations and committing to concrete promises that serve the growth and progression of our partnerships. Seem like a burden? Of course it does. But would you rather that people form new expectations, unbeknown to you, and then judge you for not meeting them?
Our Challenge
Before you speak today, consider the promises that radiate from your way of being, your identity or your past track record. What silent promises live in the way you carry yourself and the roles you take on?
Embracing the perspective of ourselves as walking promises opens countless doors to either illuminate our intentions through clear communication or honor the silent promises we are making.
Through this practice, we can transform not only how others experience us but how we experience ourselves - not merely as humans who honor our explicit commitments (worthy though that is), but as humans who dance gracefully with the intricate expectations that make up the human experience.
This is the essence of true trustworthiness - becoming a walking, breathing, living promise whose very presence whispers, "You can count on me to see you, to hear you and to meet you where you are AND to communicate with clarity my intentions and what I have to offer.”
How might you start to embrace the beautiful responsibility of your walking promise?