What Is a Promise And Why Does It Matter?
Yes, of course a promise is something you say you’ll do. But it’s much more than that: it’s the tool with which humans create and control the future!
Can you imagine living a life without promises? Think about the relationships in your life, the agreements and contracts that fuel and grow your business, the commitments you've made and continue to make to your kids, your spouse, your family members and to yourself. Our worlds are built upon promises made, promises kept and sometimes, promises broken. A promise is a vision for a possible future that inspires and guides the matching actions to make that vision a reality!
It would be fair to say that promises have a significant impact on every area of our lives. Promises are the cornerstone of the world as we know it - the foundation of trust and the fabric of our future. In business and life, promises shape our decisions and anchor us in uncertain times.
But what gives a promise its true value? It comes down to two critical factors: the clarity of the promise itself and the trustworthiness of the person making it.
A promise that is clear, specific and intentional is more concrete, and so more valuable. And the bigger a promise is, the more we need the specific details of who, what, when, why and how that promise will be delivered, before we can see the value of that promise.
The bigger and more abstract (or sloppy) the promise, the less likely we are to trust its validity or value. For example, if we promised to give you the winning numbers for the billion-dollar lottery, would you trust us to deliver on that promise? Of course not. Because that promise is bigger than your trust in us to deliver. Unless of course we could give you a lot (a LOTTA?) of specificity into how we’re able to, and could possibly, deliver on such a promise!
As leaders and as salespeople, we often fall into the trap of making larger than life promises. We assume the bigger the promise, the bigger the buy-in, when the opposite is actually true. In fact, we devalue how trustworthy people perceive us to be as humans and as professionals when we lead with big promises, even if WE believe we can deliver.
We assess the value of a promise based on the value of the promise itself, assuming it is fulfilled in the end. But we discount that value based on how little or how much we trust the promise maker. Big promises made by low-trust promisors are worth nothing! When your instincts tell you to make bigger promises, consider if you’re doing enough work to boost your trustworthiness so that it’s a match for the size of your promises! How do you do that?
Understand how people assess trustworthiness.
Trustworthiness is a judgement people make about us (that may or may not be accurate!). Since they often don’t yet know us well enough to know if we tell the truth, have good intentions and keep our promises, they’ll instead consider three questions, in order…
Can I believe you? (Sincerity)
But HOW does someone decide that you’re sincere? They ask themselves two underlying questions about you: Who are you? And, what do you want? Questions of character and motive.
Unfortunately (or fortunately for you when you’re in the know!), people judge character all too quickly, based on their first impression of you, in the milliseconds to minutes when they first meet you. They’ll consider things like your title, your age, your gender, your height, your outfit, your LinkedIn presence, your confidence, your smile, how much you look like their untrustworthy cousin Bob, etc. In other words, they will use false signals since those things rarely, if ever, actually signal true trustworthiness.
Bottom line: How you design, practice, polish and land your first impression, including how you answer that annoying prompt “let’s go around the room/zoom and introduce ourselves" is where most of this identity trust is won, or lost. Listen to Andrew speak on this podcast to find some tips on how to do this well!
Can you do it? (Competence)
Competence is as simple (or as hard) to assess as answering this question: Do you have the skill, experience, time, resources, support, access or other attributes to enable you to deliver, assuming you are sincere in your promise?
Have you done it before? (Reliability)
Finally, if we’re convinced that someone is sincere and competent, we become interested in their Reliability: Have you successfully and repeatedly done this before, in circumstances like ours? This is why customers ask for references and why people look for, and trust, social proof on review websites and in the real world.
Well that all seems easy. What’s the catch?
Yes, easy in theory, and tricky in practice because of two BIG reasons….
Trustworthiness is the product, not the sum, of sincerity, competence and reliability. Meaning, if any ONE of these is low or zero, then trustworthiness plummets or disappears completely. You can’t make up for being judged as insincere by being the most competent and reliable person on the planet. In fact, if you don’t win the “sincerity game”, nothing you say about you or your company’s competence or reliability will be believed. Do you now see why it’s such a bad idea for salespeople to lead with their “all about us” and their “logos we serve” slides?
The second BIG reason is that sincerity is judged BEFORE competence and reliability. This is nicely captured in two quotes:
For leaders: “First people decide WHOM to trust as a leader and THAT determines WHAT they believe!”
For salespeople: “First customers decide THAT they want to buy from YOU, the human, before they decide IF and WHAT they might want to buy from your company!”
Bottom line: Being the “Most trustworthy” leader, salesperson or human boils down to FIRST demonstrating that you’re sincere (you care, you have character, you have other people’s best interest at heart, and your own selfish motives won’t get in the way). And THEN, if you’ve earned the right to talk about your (and your company’s) competence and track record, doing that without making huge promises, but instead making promises that are reasonable and a match for the trust you’ve won as it grows over time. Small promises to start, larger over time, as you demonstrate a track record of actually keeping your promises.
There’s LOTS more to the art and science of making promises, including the next level up in trustworthiness: The Response-able Promise.
You can start exploring more about promises in our latest YouTube Video:
The #1 Reason People Don’t Trust You (And How to Change It): What makes a promise valuable? Why do some commitments inspire trust while others fall flat? In this video, we explore the deeper meaning of promises in life and leadership - and how they shape our future.